Reinforcement
Tuesday, December 30th, 2008The Winning Mind Set
Reinforcement “Hold yourself responsible for a higher standard than anybody else expects of you.” -HENRY WARD BEECHER People have an unbelievable capacity to change, develop, grow and evolve. Science has proven this: the brain, once thought to be fixed past a certain age, is now referred to as “plastic” given its ability to re-generate and develop over time. The issue is not one of whether we can change, then, because with the right mindset people can absolutely change. I believe change can occur in an instant. In the very moment we ultimately decide to change, we no longer take the same approach. Therefore, change is not the issue. Rather, the question is how to keep the positive changes that we make over time. Many people have the opportunity to have teachers, mentors, coaches or parents to aid in the reinforcement necessary to retain these changes. It would be great if we all had people surrounding us who could do that for us. The reality is that most of us don’t, so we need to rely on methods of self-reinforcement in addition to anything we can get from others. To help you in reinforcing the positive changes in your life, then, let me share with you the following The Winning Mind SetTM tools for reinforcing new behaviors.
How Can You Use This?
Four Keys to Effective Reinforcement 1. Focus on one thing at a time 2. Praise Progress, not perfection 3. Utilize the power of reminders 4. Establish a “support structure”
Focus on one thing at a time As I mentioned in a previous WMS Tip, Tom Landry, who at the time the coach of the Super Bowl Champion Dallas Cowboys, was asked, “In all your years of coaching, what is the most important thing you have learned about developing new skills?” Landry replied, “Focus on one thing at a time.” To do this, you can ask: What is the one thing that will make the biggest difference in my _____________________________ (career, performance, results, relationships, health, etc.)? Seeing progress in a certain area is fulfilling and self-reinforcing. Once you see some progress in one area and are satisfied that your new habits and behaviors are consistent, you can move to another area, revisiting as often as needed.
Praise progress, not perfection Dan Inosanto is one of the most gifted martial artists in the world. He is probably best known to the general public for his long-time friendship with Bruce Lee. In fact, he was the man personally chosen by Bruce Lee to continue teaching his style of martial arts. Dan once told me that it takes about 1,000 repetitions of a physical movement before it becomes embedded in your nervous system, or what is known as “muscle memory.” That seems like a lot of repetitions, doesn’t it? 1,000? He said that the secret to mastering a technique is not so much of trying to get it down to less than 1,000, but rather to control your emotions so that you don’t get upset when you haven’t got it perfect after the third try. Just as it is important to set bite-size goals, it is equally important to reinforce your progress all along the way, to praise progress and not perfection. While it may seem odd to praise yourself, it is an important step in helping you to reinforce where you are and what you need to do to get to the next step. Examples include: * One thing I did well today was … * I improved in this area by… * I learned … * I learned what not to do in … * What is great about this is … * I think I could make more progress if I… We cover this in the use of questions in the Emotions chapter of the Winning Mind Set Book. As simple as this technique is, it is also very powerful. Make sure you frame your statements in the positive. It’s the same thing if you say to a child, “Don’t spill your milk.” He has to picture spilling the milk to understand the negation of that action. Instead, “Keep your milk in your cup while you drink it,” is a much better choice, since that is actually what you want him to do. This method of communication is also solution oriented, not problem based as you are actually conveying the solution to the individual, not the problem in reference to what you “Don’t Want.” This is the same principle you want to use when reinforcing a behavior choice in yourself. Tell yourself what you want or need to do, as opposed to what you don’t want or shouldn’t do. This directs you where you want to go and not to where you don’t want to go.
Utilize the power of reminders There are other steps you can take to remind you of your goals such as: 1) Taping your goals up on the bathroom mirror or some place where you will see it every day. Your mind is most receptive to information in the periods when you wake up and before you go to sleep. I use post-it notes on the dash of my car with a message of what I want to accomplish. 2) Get images of your goals if possible (pictures can be more motivating than words) 3) Use pictures or icons of role models. Many people wear the WWJD bracelets to remind them of how they want to treat other people, or the LIVESTRONG bands to anchor to the courage and strength of Lance Armstrong. 4) Keep a journal. We all slide away from our focal point from time to time and need to adjust back on track. Your journal entries can become a great source of reference, provide insight into how far you have come, and reinforce what you have accomplished. Yes, it’s a lot of work. Isn’t your success worth it, though!
…don’t try to change yourself,
change your environment. -B.F. Skinner Establish a “support structure” The power of a support structure is amazing, if you are fortunate enough to obtain one. Whether that takes the form of a training partner, a coach, a support group, a trusted friend, a mentor, or an elder, their role can be incredibly effective in helping you achieve the kind of personal success you desire. These people are there for you, to coach, nudge, cajole, tease, and hold you accountable for your actions. They can give you a pat on the back or a kick in the butt, depending on the need. They look out for your best interest and your best interest only.
To properly engage a support structure, you will first need a person or people who absolutely believe in your potential. It doesn’t mean that they won’t challenge you or force you to think through your plans, but they need to be a strong supporter in your potential to achieve your goals. Secondly, you need to have a support structure consistent with your goals. If you want to be a world-class athlete and your coach has never produced a world-class champion, he or she may not be the best choice. If you aspire to a certain position in a company, you need to associate with people who have first-hand knowledge of what it takes to succeed in such an environment. You want to surround yourself with people who have experience at the level you want to be. Thirdly, you need to be honest and up front about what you want to achieve and what role you want them to play with respect to frequency, directness, and detail. 
“Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself!”
-George Bernard Shaw
Have an absolutely amazing New Year!
Send us your comments: kevin@thewinningmindset.com
Kevin Seaman is available for private training, consultation, coaching and speaking engagements. To inquire or if you would like to book Kevin for an event, team training or individual training contact us at the e-mail address listed above. Kevin also offers his freelance writing services for your magazine, newsletter or periodical. We guarantee our services 100%. © 2007 all rights reserved. Material may be reproduced upon request with written permission. Just ask.
Research has found that we talk to ourselves over 50,000 times a day, everyday. That’s 375,000 times a week, 1,500,000 times a month, and 19,500,000 a year. And despite all the media stimulus shouting out at us constantly, conversations with our friends, family, co-workers, and acquaintances, etc… Guess who we listen to the most attentively? Ourselves! This internal dialog goes on both on a cognitive level, as well as subconsciously. I recently heard two really amazing things from a coach of mine Jack Canfield. The first was an equation E+R=O. Now, this is not one of those tediously pointless algebra problems I so painfully remember working on in school, but is actually one of the most useful things I have heard in a long time. “E” is Effect