Welcome To The Winning Mind Set Tip
of the Week
Conflicting Beliefs
Think about these "beliefs":
Look before you leap, vs. He who hesitates is lost.
If you want something done right, you have to do it yourself, vs. Two heads
are better than one.
Ask and you shall receive, vs. Good things come to those who wait.
You can't teach an old dog, new tricks, vs. If there is a will there is a way.
Cultural beliefs, what some might call aphorisms, often send conflicting messages
as the above examples illustrate. It is quite common for us to have
beliefs that conflict, especially in the important areas of relationships, money,
time, energy and personal performance. For instance, you may know people
who long to get into a relationship. They want to have someone to trust, to
open up to and share themselves with. They desire to feel the closeness and
intimacy that can be found in a relationship, yet they don't take any action
towards making that desire a reality. Why not? Because they are fearful of being
hurt due to the fact that they choose to focus on the bad experiences they have
had in the past (personal references), and their new limiting belief may be
something like "All men / women lie, or cheat, or will hurt you".
Beliefs effect what you do or don't do by dictating
what you will and will not even attempt.
In other instances, you may have witnessed or experienced this in the realm
of personal performance, possibly in a competitive environment. An individual
is on top of their game in practice, when performing in their comfort zone or
circle of acquaintance. They feel secure, and enjoy the experience.They are
able to tap into their physical intelligence on a level that is natural for
them and congruent. If they are influenced to perform outside that circumstance
however, they may become tentative and hesitate to perform with the natural
flow and ability that they are associated with. I have seen this with athletes
that were truly excellent in their field, they played because they had fun,
they enjoyed every moment. As they became pressured to perform at a higher level
or play with a coach or teammates, that they did not have this enjoyable experience
with, they bocked, and many times quit playing or perform way below par. In
psychology this is called "approach avoidance", where an individual experiences
a pull towards something, yet at the same time feels a repulsion that pushes
them away from that same thing. This is because the situation evokes multiple
and conflicting emotions based on multiple and conflicting beliefs. The experience
no longer held the same meaning. Many times athletes will excel competitively;
only to fail when up against someone they perceive is/was better them. I've
seen this happen even though in reality, they've far exceeded their competition's
level of ability at this point in time.
How Can You Use This?
Make a list of some of your most distinctive empowering beliefs in relation
to a particular subject you may (or may not) see this tendency in. Now next
to it, make a list of some of your most distinctive disempowering beliefs pertaining
to the same subject. Are there any notable conflicting beliefs? If so ask yourself
why you may have adopted these beliefs. Remember that our beliefs are based
on references. Actually, that is true and not true. What would be more
accurate is to say that one's beliefs are based on the references that
one chooses to focus upon. Basically, there are three ways to help people change
their beliefs:
1. by strengthening empowering beliefs that they already have
2. , creating new beliefs that empower them, or
3. overcoming limiting beliefs.
Strengthening existing beliefs is probably the easiest to do since you already
possesses a strong "table of references, proof to us why these beliefs
exist " from which to operate. This can generally be achieved with the
four methods listed below.
Creating new empowering beliefs can be achieved with these methods as well,
unless a strong limiting belief co-exists with the budding new belief. The most
challenging situation arises when a person has a strong limiting belief, with
weak or non-existent (consciously) empowering beliefs.
Four Methods Of Changing Our
Beliefs
1. Reinforcing and expanding positive
references
2. Challenging limiting references (are these references real or substantial?)
3. Playing out the consequences of limiting beliefs (what is the worst thing
that can really happen?)
4. Imagining success
The
Winning Mind Set Tip of the Week is written and produced by Kevin Seaman, with
contributing author James Brault. Look for the release of the new book, The
Winning Mind Set-How To Unleash The Power Of Your Mind By Kevin Seaman and James
Brault this fall.
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